It's my way, or the highway. . .

...I am beyond upset right now.

My friend Justin..tried to kill himself.

...I just cannot believe it. Or maybe I can. I saw sadness in his eyes, a silent, raging anger within him. I knew he was in pain. I think everyone did. I tried to make it better, but I couldn't. Let's face it..when you're that fucked up, the only thing that makes you feel good is the blade across your wrist, none of that sissy bullshit.

It's unfortunate that the world is that fucked up..that everything is so dark..so dark that a young kid would want to take his life in the form of an overdose. All of those perfect, generic little fucking pills in his body- to destroy him and kill the person he is. He wanted to self destruct and end himself. He just wanted to do it faster than everyone. .

I want to see him, but I can't. It's silent in my house right now. The ringing of the phone is still blaring in my ears. I heard Emily's voice, quiet and sad as she told me. That kid I knew..that person I knew, so good inside, gave in to his self hatred finally, and tried to do it.

How many nights have I been in such pain, that I couldn't breathe? How many nights have I wanted to end my life, because it would be so much easier than finding a way to survive in this horrifying fucking world we live in, a world where I understand evil. I understand what evil is now. It's the kind of thing that lives inside of all of us- and tries to eat us up, and laugh while it does.

It could have so easily been me.

The rumor is- his ex girlfriend was pregnant..but it wasn't his. Because Justin like me, has stuck to being a virgin.

..That pain. Knowing the person you love is sleeping with someone else..that horrifying pain. I know what it is. It almost killed me. Cindy almost killed him. Dave almost killed me.

Well fuck guys! I am so done with them. I am done with relationships. I am so ready to be independent. Here, I can never be hurt like I was. Maybe I can just live my life the way I want to- without some fucking guy interfering, picking me up, hugging me so tightly, making me feel so perfect, then dropping me while he runs to his fucking slut. And her laughing in my face, while I'm left there to cry. To fucking cry on my own, just so he can have what he wants. Because I never really mattered anyway.

I wonder if Justin cried before he took those pills. I wonder how many nights he spent crying like me before the evil voices finally took hold of him.

I'm crying so hard right now, I can barely feel my hands. I want to see this kid so bad, and hug him, and tell him that everything will be okay. I want to do for him what no one has ever been able to do for me, because they're all so fucked up.

Everything is so fucked up..It's like, I can't ignore how sick this world is anymore. It seems like it's getting darker..all around. There's this evil entity taking over..I Feel it.. I know it.  It's there, and I'm not the only one who feels this way.

Goddamn Justin. You idiot! Why didn't you talk to me about it? I gave you my goddamn number. Didn't you know that I cared? Didn't you know that I'd always be there for you, you fag???

Goddamn!